Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello again. Welcome to Brainphiles. So I wanted to record another episode starting the first week of school, coming back from break, and I never did that.
[00:00:14] I didn't really know what to record except the fact of an update of what I'm doing coming back from school and just anything that I'm really enjoying in that current moment. But my motivation for work and creating things have been really, really low.
[00:00:48] And not knowing what I was going to talk about after.
[00:00:53] It's probably been over a month now, definitely.
[00:01:00] I'm maybe thinking of talking about motivation and getting there to do the goals that you have and not ever really getting there for a long time after you had months of creating things and being in the headspace and then all of a sudden not having it anymore.
[00:01:34] So I have been working on trying to learn about being concise language.
[00:01:46] My rat right now is currently in my jacket pocket.
[00:01:54] Yeah, he is.
[00:01:57] He's in my pocket, all snuggled staring at me.
[00:02:02] Hello, Pip.
[00:02:07] So getting back into this year of technology and design, I've been really loving my design class and it has been keeping my motivation up a lot. And I've been thinking of how the difference is between doing your own things, where there's no schedule of when to get anything done, versus getting a project done in a class, even when you would want to do the same project in mind by yourself. Like, I have a lot of.
[00:02:50] I have a lot of projects that I want to work on or have wanted to work on in the past, but have either gotten to them and not fully finished them, or I have gotten to them, but.
[00:03:09] Well, I've either not gotten to them or I've gotten to them where it's half done or I couldn't really finish it because I wanted to move on to something else.
[00:03:23] And I learned that the most important piece that I really want to work on and I think other people should if they're dealing with this, this break of the mind kind of splitting between you wanting to.
[00:03:43] Well, if you're just tired and you feel you either don't have the energy, don't have the motivation to do something, or it's too overwhelming to even start it, or you don't know which one to start first.
[00:04:04] I've been drawing a lot.
[00:04:08] Well, I've been drawing a lot more than I used to.
[00:04:13] And I remember when I was a art illustration major and we were told to draw some basic things around my campus, such as a leaf or a bottle.
[00:04:36] We. Oh yeah, there was a bird. One that I didn't do because I thought it was way out of my comfort zone and it held me back a lot.
[00:04:51] And I felt being in my art major that there was a lot of stress, not feeling like you're good enough or that you have enough experience.
[00:05:02] And that comes with a lot of guilt of not putting in the time to work on the things that you want to with art and feeling like you're behind and comparing and comparing a lot. And in design, I really feel seen for my work and credited because I have been.
[00:05:39] I've been writing down and thinking of inventions since I was a kid.
[00:05:45] I always really like to write poems and ideas and I even started writing an autobibliography about myself at a very young age. And I thought that I would continue it when I was older. But that computer that I had where it was just on a word document was lost because I changed my computer. I forgot about the audio autobibliography and I only remembered it when I was older.
[00:06:24] And I really miss writing.
[00:06:29] I. I'm been getting into letters. I talked a little bit about this in my first episode and I got this like the old fashioned wax seal that people use to seal their letters where you heat up some small like wax melts and then you put it on this engraved small stamped like handheld seal to then put on the back of your letter to keep it closed and sealed.
[00:07:14] And I really love stuff like that. But I want to make, I want to make things like that. And one of our projects for design was to create something that is eco effective. An eco effective product being one that is biodegradable, can have another use than what it's intended for or something that's beneficial where it can either be upcycled and turned into something else or give back to the earth and be composted or can grow into something with like seeds implanted into the product.
[00:07:58] And I came up with this soap and sponge holder where we were just making the model for it and I wanted it to be made out of unfired clay and charcoal, luffa seeds, etc. Etc.
[00:08:28] And I really like doing research on these things. I really enjoy dedicating my time to something that I'm making.
[00:08:42] And that's when I know I'm taking it seriously. When I'm taking the time to research things for what I'm about to make so I can prepare a layout foundation so that it can work properly and effectively be put into use. It makes it a lot easier when getting to the stage of creating it. And what I realized with, with my past projects of sewing for Example, big example I haven't sewn in a long time.
[00:09:22] And it makes me feel very unproductive and like I am not really, like wasting time, but also straying away from myself.
[00:09:43] However, I have tried to keep myself working and working, but I think I'm working on the wrong things. And I've seen this with other people as well, where, especially in the US we are really told to be productive and rushed all the time. And when we're not doing something, when we are tired and we want to take a nap, or we just want to do something that won't be credited with a grade or an accomplishment or a certificate or won't lead to something more and is just for our own pleasure, we feel, we feel almost dumb and that we're not doing enough.
[00:10:41] And I feel like that's what has been happening to me, where it has led to me staying in that state.
[00:10:55] Cause when you're doing so much of what you kind of need to do for school or work and not enough time being put in to do your own things, when they don't mean so much or they might in the future, but you just want to do it, and it just really gives you pleasure and enjoyment.
[00:11:22] You stay in that space and once it gets to having that time, it.
[00:11:34] You don't really feel motivated as much.
[00:11:38] And it's really, it's really odd. It's really odd. It puts you in a very lonesome place where all the work that you did for required, like quote unquote, required things to do.
[00:12:10] It doesn't feel like it should be noted, like it didn't really mean much because you didn't even get to do the things that you wanted to.
[00:12:28] And that time passes, it gets longer. And just like this podcast gets longer in saying to yourself, oh, I am like, I've had so many ideas for this podcast of just on the go, recording myself, putting it together and just putting it out there because it's mine. And it doesn't matter how edited it may be, how perfect it may be, how perfect it seems to be, and if it's jumbles all around.
[00:13:09] I did record on my, like audio on my phone a few times. And then there's the. The comparison of, oh, this is just not gonna sound great, it's gonna be all over the place.
[00:13:26] But that's just projection of not being accepted.
[00:13:34] And the feeling of being accepted is very hard to conquer and really believe in yourself.
[00:13:46] And I've seen that you, for me, I've seen that drawing has been helping me in the meantime and drawing more. I want to try drawing every single day and finding a style for myself because drawing has taught me a lot. Where when I first started drawing, like really drawing every day in art illustration, I was only drawing what was assigned of me and not being asked to portray my own style and give something to the professor that felt authentic to myself. And that broke me a lot. I felt very overwhelmed. I was producing work that was really good and I, I was practicing how to shade well and get proportions right. But I didn't, I didn't feel like I had the energy of time left in me to do my own drawing because I was put into that routine of doing what was asked of me and very just concrete standard measures.
[00:15:21] And now I get to have freedom with that.
[00:15:28] And there's still the judgment in the back of your head of like, like I really like to do some, some would say just like odd. Like very odd looking creatures. And I really want to get more into odd looking creatures just but know their proportions and make them realistic to where it could actually be something that can be replicated.
[00:16:01] Like how, like how characters are made up in movies where someone has never seen something like it before.
[00:16:12] But it's really fascinating and captivating and it draws your eye to the details.
[00:16:23] I definitely want to get more into that and I really want art to make me think.
[00:16:31] In illustration, where I was just drawing what was asked of me, I didn't think, feel that much thinking.
[00:16:40] I felt a very robotic like thinking and movement of this is what I have to do. This is what I've seen to do. So I'll do it this way. And you're drawing inside the lines. I want to draw outside the lines and create something that is more than just a color book.
[00:17:07] And I want to develop and invent something that can be.
[00:17:20] That can just be something out of that ideal something.
[00:17:30] There's a lot to it. There's definitely a lot to it. And it feels like a lot when you're not. When you don't feel like you're doing it even if you are. When we underestimate ourselves so much.
[00:17:44] Where great artists feel, feel bitter and that they're no good and the weather has been getting better. We have our spring break right now.
[00:18:09] I also have just to say this. I have really, really bad anxiety, really bad anxiety. And even talking right now to, to you on this podcast.
[00:18:31] I'm in my room and I hear people, my neighbors talking and playing music and they don't care how loud they are. And I wish sometimes that I would be like that, but I'm not. And I try to be, like, very quiet and reserved when sometimes I'm not.
[00:19:03] But I'm also very empathetic.
[00:19:07] And I don't want anyone to be disturbed or agitated. And that is a.
[00:19:17] That can be a big issue because people will be disturbed in any context. And everyone is different in how they perceive things and how they react to others.
[00:19:42] And I feel that that feeling itself, of taking away that freedom to just be is the same feeling I hold with creating and the overthinking, the over empathy takes a strong hold with. With me, with many people, I believe.
[00:20:15] I would hope I'm not alone in that.
[00:20:26] It really reserves us. It reserves me.
[00:20:31] And noise, especially how people are raised, is huge on their capabilities early on.
[00:20:44] Some people live in louder households and they do a lot of chores.
[00:20:51] They're used to siblings kind of running around and going out and dying. I just didn't do so much of that I did when I was a child. But growing up into like teenager years, it got quieter.
[00:21:16] And I made a lot of art in silence.
[00:21:24] And compliments from others don't feel credited because I feel like I'm used to seeing others prospering by being loud and wanting to get their creations out there.
[00:21:49] And that's something that I would love to work on.
[00:21:54] And it's all about confidence.
[00:21:58] Confidence is really big in believing, believing yourself, believing your work, believing your art, but also taking advice from people that have been through that success and have been or are doing what you would want to do instead of being jealous and quiet around them. Just observing, observing can, can do some, but really researching and talking to these, those people can do more good than harm.
[00:22:49] So I would love to get back into sewing. And I've also been really wanting to make music.
[00:23:01] I have thought of some instruments in the past, like a synthesizer and a banjo and a keyboard.
[00:23:12] And recently a guitar.
[00:23:15] Now a guitar was never, never something in my mind.
[00:23:25] I remember trying to learn acoustic guitar.
[00:23:29] My sister was trying to teach me, and I gave up after the shortest period because my fingers were hurting. And I really. I hated how it felt in my arms. It just was too much and overwhelming, and I couldn't get a comfortable grasp on it, where I felt in control of it.
[00:23:55] And I started watching videos on people playing electric guitar.
[00:24:03] I had a very different perception about electric guitar than what I do now. And I've been listening to a lot of music that incorporates all different instruments that I haven't heard combined before. And these bands and artists that I keep on, keep on finding are just incredible at making something.
[00:24:37] Making something really work uniquely and beautifully.
[00:24:44] It's big on tone and changes in the volume and how erratic it can be, but also then turning it down to be soothing and it gives you a lot of emotion.
[00:25:00] It definitely.
[00:25:02] Music is huge. Music is huge for me.
[00:25:07] And music has.
[00:25:12] Doesn't have many restrictions, just like how art doesn't have many restrictions within its reason.
[00:25:25] And I would really love to make music I have made.
[00:25:34] I've. I don't know, I've toggled with.
[00:25:38] Is that the word taggled? Toggled with. I don't know. GarageBand before. And I made this.
[00:25:49] I don't know how long tune.
[00:25:52] And I really liked it, but I knew that I could have more. And I want to learn how to incorporate those different elements of different instruments and also put my own music. And I'd really love to learn that.
[00:26:14] Now in design, we're starting to work on this toaster, like, what's it called? Kind of like a toaster clip to take toast out of the toaster. Because when toasters were first invented, there were a lot of deaths.
[00:26:35] People used to take them out with a fork and there were more deaths from toaster accidents than sharks.
[00:26:45] It's insane.
[00:26:47] So this one person created a solution to that where kind of like how chopsticks work takes out the toast. You don't get burnt.
[00:27:02] And in design, we're learning about some popular designers and we're supposed to make our own that are inspired by those designers.
[00:27:20] And so I have made up some sketches, but I've also been drawing more where it's just working around different styles and seeing even if it is like from my last episode, if it's ugly, freaking make it anyway.
[00:27:48] I like to close my eyes sometimes when I get really stressed drawing and just see what it looks like when I open them.
[00:27:59] And sometimes it looks like a face, sometimes it looks like an animal, sometimes looks like. None of that. And I'll turn the page and it'll look like something. Then I also want to go out more.
[00:28:16] It can be a lot. Just the feeling of planning out how to get somewhere if you have to spend money when you get back. And the whole planning thing can be a lot for me, but I definitely want to work on that and to just do it, because experiencing new places, experiencing just getting outside and seeing something new that you haven't seen before, that is so good for you and it's so good for your brain and especially for artists, it's really good for inspiration and having your mind stay flowing and active. And I've seen it be a problem for artists staying inside.
[00:29:14] I mean, I've made a bunch of stuff inside, but I've also drawn outside and I really enjoyed that too.
[00:29:27] Even on the, on the bus instead of listening to music, I would draw or I would draw while listening to music.
[00:29:41] And it was something rather than just go on a phone.
[00:29:46] And phones are such a huge problem. Everyone is on their frickin phone, including me.
[00:29:57] And once you're on it, you don't want to get off because the algorithm is specifically designed for you and what you love, what you keep wanting to see.
[00:30:15] And it truly reels you in so that you don't want to turn it off and it really strips your dopamine.
[00:30:32] And sometimes when I don't go on my phone, I feel, I feel so much better.
[00:30:40] I feel so much better. And it only happens sometimes, but I want it to stick.
[00:30:51] And that's by changing your ways. And changing. Change is so hard.
[00:30:57] So hard. We want to be stationary beings and do what is comfortable, but it just.
[00:31:09] We always end up in that space where we feel like we haven't done so much because so much of our time is on technology.
[00:31:25] But making art gets you out of that a lot.
[00:31:29] When I, when I would sew and do like my crafting, I felt just irritated going on, even just inspiration on my phone and looking to see what I want to make and then getting notifications in the process. And I just wanted to turn off my phone and not look at it and try to make my own art. And then that itself takes more time and then you don't want to make it anymore. And it keeps you in that cycle. Like, oh, well, I didn't even make something. You gotta start just making something.
[00:32:08] And this the second episode, I know it's like kind of rambling on more about it, but it's, it's definitely something big to capture in the beginning of this podcast. Especially this be being a lot older than the other first episode.
[00:32:30] And we'll get there and everyone will, I hope, get there.
[00:32:44] But you should focus on one thing.
[00:32:50] There's so many things that people want to do.
[00:32:56] Just, just pick one thing and work on it every day.
[00:33:05] Every day, just that one thing. We want to try all these things and we want to get to all of our goals as fast and think that we're being productive, but you're actually being less productive by working on a whole different things that you might not finish or just half assed. And you gotta just choose one thing. And it really sucks doing that one thing. Like, I know I haven't sewn in a long time, but I want to do drawing.
[00:33:43] And knowing that I might not do it for a long time can be really hard. But if you have the time, you can always kind of do them both. But really put your effort into the one, the one to really focus on.
[00:34:16] And I really love to design more.
[00:34:23] I'd really love to talk more about what I'm making.
[00:34:28] And I really want to make changes in this world for others and find more people with the similar mindset.
[00:34:49] And I can't do that if I don't go outside that much. And I'm focusing on a million different things because there's only so many people.
[00:35:11] It's just really one at a time.
[00:35:14] And I don't feel like I have accomplished something when I'm working on other things because. Because it just doesn't feel like it's completely successful and putting my time into it and my like, brain power into it. And it's just something big that I've noticed and I feel that it's important.
[00:35:48] But spring break. Yeah, Week long, week long spring break. And no one, not many people are here. It's very silent.
[00:36:05] I want to go somewhere.
[00:36:08] Maybe tomorrow.
[00:36:11] There's a Frank Lloyd Wright museum in Buffalo. It takes like six hours by bus to get there or something like that.
[00:36:27] But I want to go, want to go.
[00:36:33] Yawn. Big yawn. It is 1:26pm I really need to go to different places. We need to start going to different places because, oh my God, we just, we're such visual animals.
[00:36:55] I sound like my professor right now. Oh, my goodness.
[00:36:59] And we need to see different things. We need to be in different environments. I went to Saratoga Springs yesterday to see my best friend.
[00:37:10] And it just, it feels so, so nice to be in a different environment and see different stores and people and how people interact and dress differently, talk differently and something new that is not just a different like real or a post or something that you get from a store. It's just, it's a new environment. And that's why people love travel so much and why I feel that they are a lot happier than people who don't travel that much.
[00:37:58] And people think traveling like you need a lot of money, but you don't. That's only really if you need a plane to get there.
[00:38:11] And there are great, There are places, of course, that people would need a plane.
[00:38:20] And they're like, oh, I'm just like I want to go to, let's say, Germany or, I don't know, Italy or Australia. And they're like, oh, but I need a plane. And plane's so expensive.
[00:38:40] Just go like 2 hours away.
[00:38:44] 2 hours away from where you live. 3 hours.
[00:38:47] Take a bus, put a day to it and explore what's there.
[00:38:58] And I trust you. You will feel a lot better than when you were laying in your bed and thinking, oh, you gotta wait to travel and you don't want to leave because you feel restricted to that. But you aren't. You're just not letting yourself because of your own thoughts holding you back, that of the big goals. And the big goals gotta start small.
[00:39:32] And small can be very big. You just don't know it yet because you haven't experienced it.
[00:39:38] And we.
[00:39:41] We make these assumptions that restrict us so much, but it's getting easier to assume a lot less just by going to a new place and talking to someone new and starting to make art in any way.
[00:40:13] So I hope that I don't know how long I've been talking.
[00:40:24] I also stress on, like, how long episodes are, but some are even not that long. I just like, for other people, I feel like some podcasts can be like 15 minutes.
[00:40:35] And when I start doubting, that's the first point of stopping myself into what I can make and create and just put out there.
[00:40:59] Like, I can. I can make a skirt that looks freaking crappy. But hey, I made a skirt.
[00:41:05] Like, hell yeah.
[00:41:08] I don't. You don't need to make this skirt that someone else made that you saw on social media where they have years and years of experience and maybe go to fashion school and took them like, not so much time. I don't know, maybe though. So it took them like three hours.
[00:41:29] Just comparing is so detrimental. And it restricts us into loneliness.
[00:41:38] And we are, we are the loneliest generation.
[00:41:46] If you were kind of around my age, 22, so yawning and all, we'll get through it. And laundry is getting washed and that's all that matters right now.
[00:42:11] The laundry gets washed and it's done.
[00:42:15] And that.
[00:42:17] Something new to look forward to.
[00:42:22] So episode two, Brain Files.
[00:42:27] I. Yeah, so recorded.
[00:42:34] And thank you.
[00:42:42] Bye bye for the next time, whenever that may be.
